Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
