youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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