your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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