there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
