booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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