I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
