She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
