Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
