who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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