Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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