and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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