go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
