There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
