she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
