I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i think i just lost a toe
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
