my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
