I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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