I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
