You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I looked at my own cervix.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
