New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
