Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I AM VODKA MAN
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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