I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
