I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
