it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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