she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
