It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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