She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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