So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
