you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
