I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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