my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
