You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
