I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
