If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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