We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
