this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
