Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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