How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
