then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
