people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
