you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
