I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
