cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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