Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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