He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
