Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
