The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
