I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
