My friends, they love my intelligence
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
