So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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